I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
