you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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