i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize