I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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