a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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