he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
