I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
