awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize