You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize