woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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