There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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