please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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