I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
