their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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