you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
