clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize