apparently the secret to your success is patron
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
