There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize