man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
