I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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