Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you traded sex for a burrito?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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