I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You can't motorboat a personality
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
