I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
