i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
my vag is so smooth its legendary
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize