She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
My ATM looks so different sober.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
