Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
True strength comes from lack of pants
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
