and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
