my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
The power of my boobs compel you
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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