Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
