I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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