whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
