I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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