I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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