we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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