Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
