The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
