i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
