Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
