I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
