what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
