Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
