some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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