He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
