I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize