yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
