I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
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