What a fucking waste of an outfit
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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