420 ftw
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
