Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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