Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
