Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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