Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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