I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize