I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
it was like eating out sand paper
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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