the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
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