these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize