im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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