I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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