anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
