Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Randomize
