Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
