Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
