Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize