Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
