As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
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