We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
