just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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