i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
