She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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